"I'm putting on my nurse face -- the one that is strong and compassionate, the one that says that everything is going to be okay, the one that says I will take away your pain, I will shoulder your worries and I will give all I have to give to care for you. I am here, you're not alone and I will not leave your side. You can let go now; you are free.
I will hold your paw and pet your head. I will cradle you close and push my sadness aside. I will make sure you feel love and comfort. I will be strong so you don't feel the need to protect me. I will be confident so you aren't afraid. I will swallow the hurricane of emotions raging inside of me because this moment won't belong to me, it is all yours, my sweet friend.
You've been my nemesis since the day my dad brought you home. You jumped, you barked, you peed EVERY WHERE and you freakin' sniffed my private parts every day you lived. You killed my chickens, you got into the garbage and you gave no apologies, not even a shameful glance. As a matter of fact, I think you smirked. You turned our lives upside-down and we adjusted to accommodate your growing needs. Special grooming, special beds, special food, no rules, no free ranging chickens; we altered our lives to fit around yours. We begrudgingly, yet without hesitation, gave in to all of your demands -- and you silently stole our hearts.
From the day we lost my Dad, you have not left my side. I've had to put gates up, shut doors or lock you in a kennel to keep you from following me places you weren't supposed to be. You followed me room to room, inside and out, no matter how much your bones hurt or muscles ached. You barked incessantly when we'd been separated too long. You literally wore a groove into our wood floors making sure I was never too far away. You saved your best for last and it did not go unnoticed.
So today, I use every ounce of energy I have to put on my nurse face, put my emotions aside and put your comfort first. I will be your rock, I will be your human, I will make decisions that I don't want to make and I will do my very best to honor you and all you've given my family. I will step up for my Dad and everything he wanted for you. You were always his dog, you know. It's time you return to his side. Tell him I love him, I'm certain he's anxious to see you again.
Thank you for giving me all you had, Max. I will do my very best to return the favor. Your self-sacrifice has been tremendous. You will be so very much missed and forever loved. May you rest in peace, sweet boy."
We put Max down later that day, under a beautiful Elm tree that was showering blossom petals, in the midst of an unforcasted thunderstorm. Those of you that know my family's affinity for lightning might share the suspicion that this was my Dad's way of saying both thank you and "Welcome home, old boy."
