I am back on night shift at the hospital and will be spending more time back in the ER. It's where I do the most good and feel like I'm in my element. The old saying that if you make a job out of something you love, you'll never work a day in your life seems to fit my situation well. I feel a bit rusty and out of sync but I'm sure it won't be long before the flow returns. I love my job most of the time and I know enough to realize how lucky I am for that. It's where I belong and I'm doing what I was always meant to do. That is a satisfaction that I do not question.
It's been a tough year. I thought the year my parents and my husband's dad got divorced was tough but it seems like just as the dust was settling from that is when my Dad died and everything that had been "unsettled" just came apart. It's hard to lose a parent. It's harder to watch your siblings experience that grief and know that there's nothing to be done to fix it. I think I thought moving to day shift would make me more available to them to help fill some of the void my Dad left behind but I was wrong. That void is too vast and nothing within my power will make any of this easier on them. We all have to find our own way through it. That being said, I sure miss him. Every day I miss him.
I have a lot to be thankful for and even more still yet to do. Crate train the puppy, clean the hot tub, fill the pantry, play in the dirt, save a few lives, laugh some good laughs and live the dream that we all call life. I think that is the best way to honor everything my Dad made certain to ingrain in my existence -- to simply live it to the fullest and do the best that I can do.
