Fall has always felt like the right time for change and this year we are making quite a few. We are simplifying, downsizing, making room for opportunity.
The cows went to the auction block, every last one of them. I'll miss Tinkerbell but she has spent the past 5 years becoming less of "my cow" and more a part of the herd. We had several events this past year that made me realize we either needed a few more closed gates down our driveway or it was time for her to go to the sale. The rest of the herd had a date with the auction block and it just felt like the right time for her to go with them. I will miss her, I will miss the unique bond between human and animal but I have faith that she made it to another field and will bring someone a beautiful calf next spring.
I am giving up the nightlife of the ER for a more bland, less dramatic dayshift working with patients admitted to the hospital. Less trauma, less adrenaline balanced with more family, more time with friends. I admit I will miss the thrill of saving a life from the brink of death and there are those that have just giggled at my plans with an all knowing, "Oh, you'll be back..." but I believe this is the right choice to make right now.
I vacillate between excitement and regret. I love my job. I love the people I work with and for. It takes a lot out of me but I love it. I will miss it. I will NOT miss the exaustion of maintaining a nightshift life in a dayshift world. I will not miss the choice of missing sleep or missing family, missing sleep or missing friends, missing sleep or missing fun. I will not miss being too tired to remember anything. I will not miss feeling left out of my own life.
Dayshift will be a big change for me. I will need to be up by 4:30 on the mornings I work but I am excited to try something new. It won't be as action packed as the ER but it will still be something I love. I will continue to be the best nurse that I know how to be. And who knows, maybe on those rare days that someone calls in sick, the powers that be will decide to float me back down to the ER to cover a shift or two. It might be enough adrenaline to float me through -- and if it's not, I might just go skiing.
